making a difference
by shel
Summary: after meeting drake, the good exdemon, phoebe finds closure...
1. part one

**CHARMED**

**"Making a Difference"**

by shel

© february 2005

_disclaimer: the charmed ones, cole, and leo, and the rest of the cast of characters we've come to know and love, belong to spelling television, inc. and possible other copyright holders. i intended no true infringement on their copyrights; i only wanted to borrow these marvelous characters for a short time in my own scenarios and hopefully return them no worse for wear; the only things i've gained from this story are the satisfaction and pleasure of having written it and in knowing that others may have enjoyed it too…_

_rating: pg-13_

_summary: after meeting drake, the good ex-demon, phoebe finds closure…_

_timeline: the night of the final events of season 7's, 'carpe demon'…_

_archive: please don't without expressed permission…_

_notes: i came up with this idea pretty much as the episode's credits were rolling and knew i'd have to interrupt, 'yes, phoebe there is a utopia' in order to write it up…there are references to events from season 7's 'charmageddon,' season 3's 'sleuthing with the enemy,' season 5's 'legend of sleepy halliwell,' season 7's 'witchness protection,' and season 3's 'all halliwell's eve'…please let me know if you enjoyed my tale and why and, if not, why not…and, please, don't bother wasting your time or mine by sending any flames…_

**_Part One_**

Wrapped in Leo's arms as they made their way to the stairs, Piper murmured, "Did we lock the door?"

Busy kissing her, he barely managed to say, "Since when're you worried about locked doors?"

"Leo…" she admonished but didn't make an attempt to break from his arms. Standing at the landing, gazing into his eyes, she nearly missed the soft amber glow coming from the living room. Then, giggling softly from Leo's feathery kisses upon her neck, she gently pushed him back. "Someone left a fire going."

"That's nice," he murmured distractedly as his fingers slid underneath her blouse.

Piper responded by kissing him intensely but soon pulled back for air, "I should put it out before we go up."

"Hmmm," he considered, leaning forward and nibbling on her ear, "or maybe we should take advantage of it. You remember the nights we spent in front of a fire, don't you?"

She moaned softly and ran her fingers through his hair. "That was more than two children ago…"

"So?"

Piper's eyes widened with pleasure, "You're right. We're not dead and -" She caught Leo's raised eyebrow but immediately continued, "Well, not all of us…you're right, why shouldn't we take advantage of the fire? It's still Valentine's Day, isn't it?"

"Actually," Leo snuck a peek at his watch, "it hasn't been for an hour or so but I'm glad to see you're still in the holiday spirit."

She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and led him by the hand to the living room, "Seize the day, that's what we're doing."

He yanked her back into his arms and murmured as he kissed her, "That's not all I hope you'll be seizing,"

"Leeeeo," she purred, relishing in this passionate side of himself he rarely showed anymore.

"Come on," he decided, leading the way. He stopped short when he discovered Phoebe sitting on the floor in front of the fire. "Phoebe…"

"Pheebs," Piper greeted in surprise, "it's late. I figured everyone was in bed." But her sister didn't turn around and she glanced at Leo. "Phoebe? Everything okay?"

Phoebe continued to stare into the dying flames. Dying. Just like Drake. A bright impulsive spirit about to be reduced to nothing but black ash. "It's not fair," she whispered.

"What's not?" Piper questioned with a worried frown her sister couldn't see.

"Drake is dying," Phoebe replied without turning around.

"Can former demons get sick when they still have their powers?" Piper wondered, exchanging a concerned glance with Leo.

"He's not sick," Phoebe shook her head. "It's part of the deal he made with the Sorcerer."

"I'm not sure I understand," Piper admitted. "I thought the Sorcerer made him human allowing him to keep his demonic powers unless he used them within the year."

"He did," Phoebe nodded, bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. The flames were flickering but she couldn't bring herself to feed them by adding another log. "But there was an extra clause Drake 'forgot' to mention to us. He dies at the end of the year. Might not end up in purgatory as penalty for using his powers but he dies just the same. He dies, Piper. He only has two weeks left."

Piper was silent a moment before she quietly realized, "I guess the Sorcerer came up with a win/win situation. He figured he'd end up with Drake's powers when Drake failed to remain good. But even if Drake didn't give into temptation and he couldn't gain Drake's powers, he'd still make sure Drake couldn't continue to do good with Drake dying."

"Drake obviously thought being human for even a year was worth it," Leo commented. "But he just got the job at Magic School, something he really wanted. Is he okay with what's about to happen?"

"Said even if he could change only one student's single day it'd be worth it," Phoebe nodded.

"We vanquished the Sorcerer," Piper turned to Leo, "wouldn't that void the deal?"

Leo shook his head, "The deal was made in good faith, regardless of the Sorcerer's fate."

"Good faith?" Piper snorted. "The Sorcerer kidnapped Miss Donovan and tried to force Drake into using his powers for evil. How's that good faith?"

Leo shrugged, "The deal itself was fair and agreed to by both parties. Drake knew and accepted the terms while the Sorcerer genuinely believed Drake would fail. It wasn't until the year was almost over that he realized he'd misjudged Drake and made the attempt to trick Drake."

Phoebe suddenly got to her feet, "I need some air."

"What? Phoebe, it's too late to go out now. You've had a long day and you've got work tomorrow."

"I'll be okay," Phoebe assured her older sister. "Besides, Elise told me to come in late, me being a hero and all." She shoved her hands in her jeans' pockets, "Some hero…"

Piper reached out and pulled her younger sister into a hug. "I'm sorry, sweetie. I know Drake made an impression on both you and Paige. And, I'll admit, he did help me realize I've been overreacting a bit to Leo's impending doom…"

Leo frowned, "Piper…"

Piper pulled away from her sister and reached for Leo's hand, "Sorry, honey, I know I said I wouldn't worry anymore 'bout what the Elders have in store for you. I did pretty well the last couple of hours, didn't I?"

Phoebe noticed the squeeze Leo gave her sister's hand and she kissed Piper's cheek, "Have fun you two. You deserve it."

"Phoebe!" When her sister turned back, Piper cautioned, "You can't save him. He's going to die so don't get involved. You haven't even known him twenty-four hours and it's not like you're in love with him."

"No," Phoebe sadly agreed, "but I sure like him a lot."

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At the plaza, Phoebe stared up at John Norman's office window now covered with plywood. All those years as a demon and Drake had avoided killing innocents. Almost a full year as a human and he'd still resisted temptation. Until today when the Sorcerer tricked him into using his deadly powers and he'd narrowly missed killing an innocent. She shivered when the image of Norman crashing through the window flashed through her mind. It was sheer luck that Norman hadn't exploded right away from Drake's fireball and it was a miracle he'd been able to grab onto the window ledge and hold on while she struggled to pull him back into his office.

"Awfully late for you to be hanging around here alone."

Phoebe jumped at the familiar voice and held her hand to her heart, "Inspector Sheridan, what're you doing here?"

"I believe I'm asking you the same thing," she calmly replied.

"Just doing some thinking," Phoebe shrugged.

"And you had to do that in the middle of the night at the scene of the crime? You really are a strange one." Phoebe seemed taken aback so she apologized. "First day back on the job wasn't what I'd expected."

"Getting shot with an arrow didn't help, I guess," Phoebe murmured.

"Not exactly a highlight, no. Even if my mother did say it'd make a great story for the grandkids, when she finally gets them," the Inspector mildly complained.

Phoebe smiled, believing she could almost like the Inspector if she didn't have to worry about the woman's memories concerning the investigation into the Halliwells being triggered into returning. "Still don't believe me though, huh?"

"Kidnapped and taken on a motorcycle ride by some guy dressed as Robin Hood who threatens to steal from the rich and give to the poor by taking on the phone company? Who then sets off a bomb in the office of the company's president before disappearing without a trace? Not too far-fetched for you?"

"I guess it does seem a little out of the ordinary," Phoebe conceded.

"Just a little, Ms. Halliwell." The Inspector acknowledged Phoebe's pale countenance in the moonlight, "Maybe you should've accepted the offer to speak to one of the counselors. You're probably suffering a delayed reaction."

"About two years delayed," Phoebe whispered. The tall blond officer seemed confused but Phoebe shook her head, "Never mind, long story."

"Maybe we both just need a good night's sleep," the Inspector suggested.

Phoebe nodded and turned back to her car. But she stopped herself and faced the Inspector again. "Inspector? You ever come across a suspect who fit a certain profile for certain wrongdoings but he actually turned out to be innocent even though he still had the capacity to do those wrongdoings at any time?"

"Maybe once or twice," she nodded in confusion. "Mostly, though, I find that if he fits the profile, then it's only a matter of time before he eventually does screw up and is caught for the crime. Why?"

"Once a demon, always a demon," Phoebe murmured sadly.

"Are you all right?"

"Not really," Phoebe admitted. "I got some news that a…friend doesn't have long to live and I'm trying to sort some things out."

"I'm sorry," Inspector Sheridan sincerely replied. "I guess a day like today really puts death in perspective."

"He has so much more to give," Phoebe quietly said as tears stung her eyes, "I can't believe he won't have a chance."

"Sounds like he's already made a difference. Be grateful for that. Cherish it. Remember it."

"Thank you," Phoebe said in a choked voice.

"Can you get home okay?"

Phoebe nodded and touched the woman's hand, "Thank you. Get home safe."

"You too," the Inspector called out after Phoebe.

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Phoebe's hand shook causing the flashlight's beam to create new shadows as it bounced along the concrete stairs. She used her other hand to steady herself and she scanned the mausoleum below her. She couldn't believe she'd come back and, yet, another part of her couldn't believe she hadn't come back earlier. When she reached the bottom, she closed her eyes and inhaled, wishing she could smell his cologne instead of the stagnant air.

"Oh, Cole," she sighed as she sat on the bottom step. She shut off the flashlight and hugged her knees, resting her chin on them. She'd left the mausoleum door open and only the palest of light shone down the stairs. As her eyes grew accustomed to the darkness, she tried to picture Cole standing before her. "I've been so lost," she told him. "For a long time now. But Drake…In just a few hours, Drake's made me see what I've been doing to myself, to you."

She sniffled and continued, "It was so exciting in the beginning, y'know. Fighting evil and saving innocents. We were making a difference. But somewhere along the way it changed. Evil and innocents weren't simple issues of black and white. And acknowledging the difference came with a terrible price."

Phoebe squeezed her eyes shut as the images of those she'd lost in the past several years appeared in quick succession before her. These people she'd loved and lost had saved her from making a costly mistake believing in the Avatars. Innocents who'd paid the price for fighting evil, who'd still managed to save her from causing other innocents to pay. It was a burden she'd have to live with for the rest of her life. "I'm sorry," she whispered before angrily flinging the flashlight across the chamber.

"How's this fair?" she screamed. "Drake wanted to make a difference! Kyle wanted to make a difference. Prue wanted to make a difference. And they're dead!" she cried. "You're dead…" She rubbed away the tears from her cheeks, "And I didn't let you make a difference. I abandoned you and failed you when you needed me. Just like I failed them."

"You didn't fail me. And you didn't fail them."

Phoebe gasped and looked up and had to shield her eyes from the bright light before her. It quickly faded and there he was, standing before her. "Cole?"

He turned around and sought the flashlight before returning it to her. Stunned she stared at it before looking back up at him. "You're here?"

He nodded, "I've been waiting."

"Here?" she uttered as she looked around the mausoleum with dismay.

He smiled and shook his head, knelt in front of her, reached out with his fingertip to touch her heart, and corrected, "Here."

She held her breath a moment as she realized that she could actually feel him. With a trembling hand, she slowly covered his hand with hers and brought up her gaze to meet his after he proved to remain solid. With a cry, she launched herself into his arms and sobbed.

Thrown off-balance, Cole managed to keep his arms around Phoebe as they fell back. And, as she cried into his neck, he tightened his embrace and buried his face in her hair.

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He wasn't sure how she found the spot in the dark but he stood behind her while she knelt in front of it. "You believed in me then, Phoebe. That's why you couldn't kill me."

"I loved you," she stated. "You'd already had dozens of opportunities to kill me but you didn't. And then, right here, you killed Krell to save me. And I set you free. Why couldn't you stay away? Why couldn't you start a new life for yourself?"

"Because I loved you," he replied, reaching out for her, "and because a new life would've meant nothing to me if you weren't there to share in it."

Phoebe accepted his help to stand and stared at their clasped hands, "Oh, Cole, I never thought loving you would bring so much pain. You should've left when you had the chance. Maybe you'd still be here."

"And maybe I'd still be evil," he countered. "Maybe it was too ingrained in me, too much a part of me to overcome. How many chances did I have, Phoebe? How many chances to prove that I was good? That I could overcome the temptations, help innocents, and make a difference."

"You did," she insisted as a sob hitched in her throat. "You did make a difference, Cole! Even if it was for one person in a single day…even if it was just for me…"

He smiled, "Then it was worth it, Phoebe. If you can look me in the eyes and tell me I mattered, then it was all worth it."

"Oh, baby," she threw herself into his arms, "you mattered. You mattered!"

"I love you, Phoebe," he whispered before his lips found hers.

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	2. part two

_**Part Two**_

Cole leaned back against the cold marble bier. He tolerated the discomfort because she was once more in his arms. He felt her shiver and cuddle closer to his side so he wrapped his arm tighter around her and kissed the top of her head as she shifted to rest it on his chest. There was no need to talk until he felt the hot tears trickling down his chest. "What's wrong?" he quietly asked, almost afraid she would deny what had just occurred. Or worse, that she'd claim it meant nothing. When she didn't answer, he reached over and switched on the flashlight. "Phoebe?"

"I can't hear your heart," she softly cried.

Torn between feeling relief that their lovemaking hadn't upset her and annoyance with himself for having doubted her in the first place, he kissed the top of her head and stroked her bare shoulder. After a moment, he confirmed, "Because it's not beating. I'm not part of your world anymore, Phoebe."

"But you're here," she whispered.

"Because you needed me to be," he quietly explained before planting another kiss in her hair.

She tightened her grip around him. "It wasn't wrong for us to love. Not now, not then. I don't believe that."

"But?"

"But I'm not sure we were ever meant for a happy ending." She lifted her head to gaze at him, "We tried though, didn't we?"

"We tried every way we could," he agreed, caressing her cheek, "but we couldn't change who we were."

"I should've been more accepting, more tolerant," she lamented as she pulled away from him and sat up, drawing her knees to her chest. "Why was it so easy to believe in Drake when he's a demon with the same deadly powers? Why was it so easy to forgive his being tricked into harming an innocent?"

"Who's Drake?" he asked as he began to lightly knead her shoulders.

"A demon we met today," she replied before turning around to face him. She let him pull her into a position where she sat straddling him. She bent her head and kissed him before continuing, "He showed up at Magic School on a motorcycle and practically demanded the job from Paige who -"

"What's Paige doing in Magic School?" he interrupted with something of a groan as Phoebe kissed that sensitive spot she remembered would drive him wild.

She sat up straight, "You know about Magic School?"

"Everyone knows about Magic School," Cole rolled his eyes. "Not everyone's figured out how to break through its magical protection. What about Paige?"

"In a nutshell," Phoebe kissed the tip of his nose, "she runs the place and's been looking to hire a new teacher and, as I said, Drake applied for the job."

He ran his hands up Phoebe's bare back, "Paige gave the job to a demon? Things have changed, haven't they?"

"Sometimes I'm not sure we've changed at all," she shrugged.

Cole pulled her closer and kissed her deeply before asking, "So what's so special about this Drake?"

She sighed and sat up again, lacing her fingers with his, "He said he'd spent his life avoiding killing innocents because he'd been fascinated by literature and -"

His eyes widened and he interrupted, "Drake the Bookworm?"

"Bookworm?" she echoed in surprise. "I suppose that fits. But he knew I'd married a demon, why didn't he say you knew each other?"

"Not that well," he told her. "Occasionally, I sought his advice about dealing with humans. He had some good insight probably because of all the books he devoured." Cole could sense her question forming and smiled, "Not literally. Anyway, he probably figured I wouldn't exactly be a good reference for his getting the job. So how's old Drake doing anyway? Probably thinks he died and went to heaven surrounded by all those texts available at the school…"

Phoebe's smile instantly faded, "He's dying. He made a deal with the Sorcerer and - ow, Cole, watch the fingers."

He apologized by bringing her fingers to his lips in order to lightly kiss them. "The Sorcerer's a sneaky bastard. Drake probably had no idea what he was getting into."

"Unfortunately he did," she informed him. "He's willingly giving up his life in return for having been given a year to be human."

He smiled again, "Sounds like Drake got what he always wanted."

Phoebe stiffened and declared, "It's not fair. The Sorcerer played into his desires. Drake didn't have to make a deal to do good, to be human."

"Maybe he did," Cole considered. "Maybe he needed to become human with only a human's temptations rather than the pull of magic working against him. Maybe he thought he had a better chance to do good by being human. Maybe he thought it would mean more."

"Then why didn't it work for you?" she retorted before shamefully hanging her head. "I didn't mean it that way. I know it was more complicated."

He brushed the hair from her eyes and tilted her chin up, "He might've been a demon but Drake wasn't evil, Phoebe. He spent his time among books and never gave into it. But I did. For over a century I suppressed my human side in order to wreak havoc on innocent lives. Their blood would have stained my hands no matter how many years I spent atoning my actions."

"You didn't know better," she weakly protested.

"And when I did?" He kissed her fingers again, "In the end, Phoebe, I couldn't let go, and I couldn't see the damage I was doing, not really."

"But you were doing it out of love," she argued, "and I should've -"

"I was doing it out of fear," he interrupted. "I was afraid of what I'd be without you by my side. It's that simple, Phoebe, I was afraid of failing so I clung tightly and ruined what was left of our love."

Phoebe leaned forward, kissed him tenderly on the lips, and finally confessed, "I was just as afraid and did as much damage to our relationship." Tears filled her eyes as she caressed his cheek, "And I know now what it's like to become obsessed. I lost my powers because -"

"You lost your -"

She shushed him with a finger to his lips and continued, "All I wanted was to make up for the evil I thought I'd brought into our lives. And when I saw my first vision of a world without evil, I was even more crazed with making it come true. I d-"

"What kind of vision?"

She sighed, "I saw Paige as a teacher and Piper with her two boys and…and I saw myself pregnant. Piper said it was a little girl."

Cole couldn't help but gaze at her flat, toned, stomach. "What about your powers?" he asked quietly.

"Used them for personal gain. I'd forgotten what kind of witch I was supposed to be," she replied.

"I'm sorry," he sincerely told her as he pulled her close for another kiss.

"I deserved the punishment," she murmured before kissing his forehead. She rested her forehead against his for a moment before adding, "I've gotten back my premonitions. They're not as advanced as they were before I lost them but it's a start."

He ran his fingers up and down her sides, "You said it was your first vision. There were others?"

"One other," she softly admitted. "Of my little girl with Piper's boys coming out of school. She must've been about four or so and she had long brown hair and, oh, she was so beautiful. Only now that we've rejected the Avatars, I'm not sure it'll ever come true." His fingers suddenly dug into waist. "Cole?"

"The Avatars approached you?"

"After Leo joined them and -"

He grabbed her wrists, "Is he out of his mind? The Avatars aren't about good and evil, Phoebe, they're about shaping the world. It's about the power to ch-"

"We know," she interrupted. "It was almost too late but we learned what they meant by Utopia."

Cole loosened his grip and kissed her wrists before gazing into her tear-filled eyes. "What else, Phoebe?" She shook her head but he gently insisted, "You're so close but you have to say it." She didn't speak and he continued with more kisses pressed to her fingers, "You won't be struck down by the Elders or even your sisters. You need to say it."

"I wish…" She brought his fingers to her lips and kissed them before gently squeezing them.

"Set yourself free," he encouraged in a hoarse voice. "Set us free."

"I wish we could've had another chance," she announced in a voice barely above a whisper. She saw him waiting for the words she'd buried deep in her heart, words she'd never thought she'd ever hear herself say again, "I love you, Cole. I never stopped and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

When she collapsed against him in tears, he flipped off the flashlight, wrapped his arms around her, and proceeded to show her how they could forgive each other without saying a single word.

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Phoebe leaned back against Cole and tugged his arms tighter around her waist. "This was our chance, wasn't it?" she murmured sadly.

"Wasn't it enough?"

She quickly turned her head slightly in his direction, "Of course it was. It was more than enough. But now…"

"Now you want more," he concluded with a kiss to her neck.

She turned away again with a nod, "And now I want more…God, even dead you're still the best…" His chest rumbled behind her and she chuckled, "Never did argue about this, did we?"

"No," he agreed, pressing a kiss to her bare shoulder, "we were never more perfect than when we were like this." When she laced his fingers with hers and rested them on her stomach, he suggested, "So why don't we -" He abruptly stopped talking when she stiffened but, before he could ask about her, his vision went hazy before a different image sharpened into focus. "Phoebe?" She was propped up in a bed, obviously crying out in pain, and it took him a split-second to realize she was giving birth. He watched the doctor place the screaming baby in her arms and he couldn't speak as he watched her examine her son. The vision began to blur and fade just as another baby was placed on her chest.

Phoebe clenched his fingers as the vision faded and hitched a sob when she realized with wonder the truth about her little girl. "You're her daddy. You're my Ladybug's daddy."

"That can't be," he argued in a whisper.

"You are," she excitedly insisted as she pressed their linked fingers to her lips. "You are."

"No," he denied and practically yanked his fingers free. "I'm dead, Phoebe. I can't possibly -"

"Leo's dead too and it didn't stop him," she countered as she, in an effort to better describe to him her vision, twisted herself completely around so that she now lay on him, awkwardly propping her elbows on his chest. "It was so -" she stopped herself when she saw his eyes glistening in the darkness, "Cole? You saw?"

He nodded and reached for her hands, squeezing them tightly, "It was…He was…Twins, Phoebe. You have twins…"

"We have twins," she corrected as her tears fell, "and they were beautiful. But I didn't see you, Cole. You weren't there, you weren't with me. Why? If Leo can be with Piper…It isn't fair! Why, Cole? Why can we come so close only to lose each other? Why?"

In an effort to calm her, Cole kissed her fiercely before finally croaking, "I was there. You have to believe. No matter what happens, Phoebe, I'll be there."

"Always," she promised, bringing his hand back to her heart and pressing it to her chest. "Always in my heart. And I'll make sure they -"

"What's wrong?"

"My premonitions," she gasped. "Piper never said…I never saw a boy, Cole. Oh God, I lose our little boy. I -"

Cole interrupted with a kiss, "You don't know that. Your visions were out of context. When you saw yourself pregnant with a girl, you might not have known you were having twins. And when you saw our little girl older, you don't know that our son wasn't somewhere else at the time."

Her heart pounded as she considered his words, "I guess…"

"Can you…?"

When he didn't continue, Phoebe tenderly kissed his lips, "Can I what?"

He gently wiped away a shiny tear that still clung to her cheek. "Your powers. Are they advanced enough to - I mean could you send a vi-"

Phoebe interrupted with a kiss and tugged at his hands, placing a kiss in each palm before resting her own palms on top. "Close your eyes," she quietly commanded as she closed hers and concentrated on sending him the visions she'd had. His sharp intake of breath registered only vaguely and she couldn't stop her tears from falling as she watched the images she'd already memorized. It was suddenly fresh for her, as if she was seeing them for the first time, because now she knew the search for her child's father had ended with the one she'd wanted all along. "I love you, Cole," she declared as she opened her eyes and gazed into his shiny ones.

Cole pulled her down and clung to her before letting his actions speak for him.

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Dressed, Phoebe stood before him at the bottom of the stairs and did her best to control her emotions. She refused to fall apart now.

"I'm proud of you," he quietly said as he caressed her cheek.

"I didn't d-"

"I'm not finished yet," he interrupted with a smile. She leaned into his palm and he brought his other hand to her other cheek. "You took a chance with me, Phoebe. You didn't know I was a threat and, in spite of the risks, you opened your heart and let me in. And after you learned the truth, you fought for me, you fought for us."

She couldn't meet his gaze and stared at her boots. "Not hard enough."

"You fought longer than I had any right to expect," he told her. "I became your enemy, Phoebe. I threatened the very heart of your world and it was made all the worse for you because you loved me. But you survived and grew stronger for it. And now…"

"And now," she spoke softly, placing her hands on his, "now I'm going to make sure that our children grow up to be true to themselves, always. They won't be afraid to follow their hearts in fear of what others believe. They'll be strong individuals whose magic will be a natural extension of their abilities. And they'll be proud of their father, of the man he was, because they'll know that I am. And I am, Cole. I'm so proud to have known you, to have loved you, and to have been the one who made you want to acknowledge and accept your humanity." She slid her arms around his neck and gently pulled him closer, "Thank you for loving me even when I didn't deserve it."

Before their lips met, Cole whispered, "Thank you for loving me even when I didn't deserve it."

It was a sweet, tender, kiss filled with promise and farewell and, when Phoebe opened her eyes, she found herself alone in the mausoleum. And, yet, she wasn't as crushed as she'd feared she'd be once she realized her reunion with Cole would be only temporary. Because Cole would always be a part of her and she wasn't afraid to acknowledge it anymore.

Picking up the flashlight from the bottom step, she decided to wait until morning to tell her sisters about the miracle that had happened and the plans that she'd have to make for the future. And then she'd talk to Drake and thank him for providing her with the confidence she'd lacked for so long in order to make peace with Cole.

As she climbed the stairs, her hand brushed against her stomach and she smiled, knowing every word she'd told Cole was true. She was proud of him, of their love, and she would be proud of their children. And she would make sure they would be proud. They would know he made a difference. And, somewhere, she knew, he would know and be proud too.

_**The End**_

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'_what? no, that can't be the end…'_

'_well it is…'_

'_but i wanna know what happens!'_

'_use your imagination…'_

'_but it's not the same…'_

_sigh...'very well…go ahead, read the epilogue…'_

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	3. epilogue

_**Epilogue **_

_**Nine Months Later…**_

Piper leaned into Leo's embrace and peered through the nursery window, "They're beautiful, aren't they?"

"They are," he agreed with a kiss to her temple, "and they're healthy which's I think all Phoebe cares about right now."

"She's been through so much and, after this…" Piper sighed, "I don't think I've ever seen her more glowing or at peace."

"But?" he questioned, knowing there was a 'but' coming.

"But," she pressed a finger to the cold glass, "even though she never said so, I think in her heart she'd counted on Cole coming back and I'm afraid of what'll happen when reality sinks in for her."

"Don't underestimate your sister," he advised. "She's a lot stronger than you give her credit for. But you're right about her being at peace because she has made peace – with herself, with her past…with Cole. And, even though she'll be a single mother, she's not afraid of the future."

"Even though demons still attack? Even though Zankou is still our greatest threat? Even though the Avatars are out there waiting for another chance?"

"Even though," he nodded. He wrapped his arms around her waist and watched as two nurses approached the bassinets of his niece and nephew. "We should go back to Phoebe. If they're bringing the twins to her, we might finally get that announcement of their names."

"Think she'll go back to the 'P' tradition?" she wondered as they turned from the window and began walking down the corridor.

"No, although tradition did play a role in choosing."

Piper spun at the familiar voice behind her and simply stared at him.

"You're looking well, Piper," he said.

"Cole, you're here…"

"I promised I would be," he told her simply.

"No wonder Phoebe didn't want us in the delivery room with her," Piper realized.

"What can I say? She didn't want to share this time," Cole shrugged before greeting her husband, "Leo…"

"Are you here for g?"

"No," he interrupted, "I'm not a Whitelighter like you, Leo. I'm not here to stay."

"He's an Elder," Piper quickly corrected.

"Thought he was an Avatar," Cole sniffed in distaste. "An Avatar, Leo? Are you insane?"

"Look who's calling the kettle black," Piper grumbled.

He ignored her, "Haven't you yet figured out that good can't exist without evil? There's no such thing as a utopia."

"They had us convinced," she replied defensively. "We didn't know what would happen to innocents who didn't conform and we believed in their plan. Can you say the same?"

"I didn't care about their plans," he retorted, "I only cared about Phoebe. And I paid the price, wouldn't you say?"

"Let's just say," Leo carefully interjected, "that I'm more than an Elder but not quite an Avatar."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Sore subject closing now," Piper warned. "We're not about to ruin Phoebe's day. Um," she considered the vanquished demon, "your day, too, I guess. They are beautiful, Cole."

He nodded, "As beautiful as their mother." He realized the nurses had already left and offered, "Come on, it's time you officially met your niece and nephew."

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Cole carefully sat at Phoebe's left side and, when she gingerly shifted position so she could lean against him, he draped his right arm around her shoulders. He kissed the top of her head when she sighed, "You okay?"

"Tired," she replied before turning her head to look at him, "but I did it, Cole. I held on until they were big enough and they're perfect, aren't they? They're healthy and beautiful and perfect."

"They're perfect," he agreed, resting his chin on her head.

"I'm so happy," she sighed again as she snuggled into his embrace.

"With these two bundles of joy," one of the nurses announced as she approached the bed, "how could you be anything but happy? Now, Momma, are you ready for them?" When Phoebe nodded, she placed her blue bundle in the crook of Phoebe's left arm.

With his free hand, Cole adjusted the blanket away from the baby's face and, with the lightest touch, he caressed his son's cheek with the side of his finger. The baby reacted with gurgling sounds and he smiled when Phoebe pressed herself closer to him.

"Ready for his big sister?" the second nurse asked Phoebe. It took her a moment to get the tiny girl settled into the crook of Phoebe's right arm. To Piper and Leo she cautioned, "Don't be too long, they all need their rest."

On her way out, the first nurse assured Phoebe, "We'll be back in a little while to check on you. Use the call button if you need anything."

Piper inched closer to her sister's side and admired the newborns. "You did good, kiddo," she kissed Phoebe's forehead and proudly said, "you did great." She touched her niece's hand with her finger and smiled when the baby's tiny fingers automatically curled around hers. "They're beautiful, sweetie. Now," she ordered, "what're their names?"

Phoebe chuckled but shook her head, "Not until everyone's here."

"Come on, Pheebs," Piper complained, "Paige's running exams all day today, Dad won't be here until tonight, and we can't impose much longer on Kyle who has to get back to his Whitelighter duties. One of us'll have to go home to the boys. So, as your big sister, I'm telling you, I want to know right now."

"Know what?" Paige questioned when she orbed into the room.

Leo glanced at his watch, "Thought you'd still be tied up for the next few hours…"

"Yeah, well, I managed to bribe Drake to cover for me. He hates administrative red tape. I swear, if he was incorrigible as a demon, he's even worse as a ghost," she complained with a fondness that belied her words.

"I heard that…"

Paige turned, "What're you doing here? We had a deal!"

"Which I revised for Miss Donovan," Drake smirked. "Easy as pie, you know the woman jumps at any opportunity to leave the library and show off her knowledge. I wasn't gonna miss this for anything. See, beautiful," he smiled before winking to Phoebe, "I told you, piece of cake…"

She laughed but immediately groaned, "Don't make me laugh…"

Suspicious, Paige tugged on his sleeve, "Thought you couldn't materialize anywhere outside Magic School…"

"Where there's a will," he shrugged nonchalantly, "there's a way. Isn't that right, Belthazor?"

Cole gazed down lovingly at Phoebe and his children, "Ever so true, Wormy."

"Now," Drake raised an eyebrow, "that's a name I haven't heard in, oh, seventy years or so. I think I barbecued that demon or was he the one I shish-ka-bobbed?"

"Heard you were also good with a knife," Cole recalled in amusement. "Hey, you ever heard from -"

Paige couldn't help but smile when she interrupted, "Okay, you two, class for demonic ghosts strolling down memory lane meets later. Right now, I wanna know 'bout these two beauties." She pushed past Leo to get a closer look. "So, Cole, are you, uh, here for good? Oh, Pheebs, lookit them, they're adorable."

Cole kissed Phoebe tenderly the instant she'd stiffened. "No," he quietly told Paige, "this's just a visit."

Phoebe rubbed her cheek against him and tried not to sniffle, "They have your eyes."

Paige quickly glanced at Piper in concern and tried to lighten the mood again, "So, sis, which's 'A' and which's 'B'? I say this little cutie's got 'B' written all over her face."

"Don't be ridiculous, Paige," Piper joined in, "she is definitely an 'A'."

Phoebe chuckled and gently rocked her babies, "All right, you guys, I promise, no more of that Baby 'A' and 'B' business."

"Cool," Drake gleefully expressed, "I was leaning more towards Baby 'Q' and 'X' myself."

"Good thing nobody asked you," Paige teased with a grin.

Cole kissed the top of Phoebe's head, "You ready to put them out of their misery?"

She nuzzled him, "You take the honors…"

Indicating to his daughter, Cole announced, "Named for the first witch, after Phoebe of course, who made me question my duties as a demon. A witch whose bravery and strength has been carried down through the generations of her line including, now, this little one. Everyone say hello to Miss Charlotte Leigh Halliwell."

"Oh, Pheebs," Piper gushed, "Charlotte'd be so pleased!"

"It was Cole's suggestion," Phoebe proudly informed the others.

Piper smiled warmly to Cole, "I'm sure Melinda'd be over the moon…"

Paige tickled the baby's chin, "Melinda as in Melinda Warren?"

Piper nodded, "Charlotte's her mother. We told you all about the night Melinda was born, didn't we?"

"And the Leigh?" Leo questioned after Paige nodded in return, placing his hands on Piper's shoulders.

"We just liked the name," Phoebe shrugged. "Flows well with the other two, right?"

"Absolutely," both sisters agreed.

"Now, what about Charlotte's twin?" Leo asked.

Phoebe glanced up at him but Cole shook his head and told her, "Your idea, your turn."

"Okay, well, considering we're giving into Grams's wishes of keeping the Halliwell name, I wanted at least one name to represent Cole's. So," she carefully tilted her son towards the others, "everyone, say hello to Charlie's baby brother, Master Benjamin Coleridge Halliwell."

"Charlie?" Drake grinned, "I think I like that."

"So glad you approve," Paige quipped.

"After your father?" Piper wondered, steering conversation back to the babies.

Phoebe felt Cole's light kiss to the top of her head and glanced back at him, "He was a wonderful statesman who cared for the community. He used his power to do good and make a difference."

"Well, it's a good name," Paige nodded approvingly. "Both have good names and I'm sure everyone'll agree when they come to the wiccaning."

"Let's not jump ahead yet," Phoebe nervously chuckled, "they're not even five hours old."

Drake caught Cole's expression, "And, that's our cue to get out of here." He tugged on Paige's black school robe, "C'mon, let's go rescue Miss Donovan."

Paige managed to quickly kiss her sister before disappearing with the ghost, "See you later…"

"We'd better get going too," Leo told the new parents, "and rescue Kyle."

"I'll check on you later," Piper promised her younger sister. To Cole she promised, "We'll love them and teach them and maybe, just maybe, our kids will teach us too. They're gonna make a difference in this world." She indicated to her sister, "Make sure she gets some rest."

He nodded but didn't speak until well after they had orbed from the room. Phoebe had settled herself a bit more comfortably against him and the babies had already closed their eyes. "I don't want to leave, you know that, don't you?"

Her voice cracked when she replied, "I don't want you to leave either." She rubbed her cheek against him again, "I'm scared of doing this without you."

"You'll never be alone," he told her.

"It's not the same," she whispered.

"I'll be back whenever I can," he vowed. She nodded but he heard her sniffle and he gently squeezed her shoulders, "You heard Wormy, where there's a will, there's a way. And I swear, Phoebe, I'll find a way to make it back permanently. But until then I want you to promise me something."

"What?"

"You don't give up on life," he told her, "or your dreams. Trust in yourself and in your feelings. Trust in these two little ones and you won't ever go wrong. Be proud of yourself and of them."

"And of you," she quietly added. "Piper was right," she gazed up at him, "they're gonna make a difference in this world and it's because we made a difference because we loved each other."

He kissed the top of her head, "I love you, Phoebe, all three of you."

"Stay…please…at least until I fall asleep?"

"Then close your eyes," he quietly instructed, pulling her closer. He rested his chin on her head and gazed down at his sleepy newborns and assured her, "I'm here. I'll always be here…"

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Invisible to all, the ghostly form hovered by the bassinets of his son and daughter. "Be strong," he encouraged, "be brave. Be proud and know how much I love you."

"That's right, Momma," the nurse pleasantly said as she helped Phoebe to the bassinets, "you take it nice and slow. You've all had a big day." She smiled when she saw the twins waving their tiny hands in the air, "Look who's happy to see you again…hmmm," she suddenly frowned, "seems to be a draft in here. Shouldn't be, I'll go check. Be right back."

Phoebe barely noticed the nurse's exit as she bent over her children. Reaching down to lightly grasp each one's hand, she whispered secretively to them, "Or maybe you're happy to see someone else…" She glanced around the nursery and, of course, didn't see him. But it didn't stop her from whispering, "I love you, Cole…" The breeze the nurse had complained about lightly blew past her cheek but Phoebe knew better and she smiled contentedly, "Always in my heart…"

**_The End_**

_**Really…**_


End file.
